Coming out at University
Jay J Nicholas describes what could possibly be one of the most difficult times of your life.
If however, you are unsure of your inclinations, then uni can be a pretty daunting and life changing experience as Itchy's Jay Nicholas describes:
When I arrived at University, like many others I was a 'straight' 19 year old. Less than a year later, I was still like many others, except now I was a gay 20 year old.Quite a transition to make. Leaving those teen years behind and moving on to the more sophisticated age of 20 is one thing, but swapping my Converse for some heels and my pint for a G and T is a whole other issue.
Driving to Uni for the first time, mother on one side, ghetto blaster on the other, I really had no idea what to expect of my new future. But one thing that was for certain was that being gay was not going to be a part of it.
I had always got on with girls as well as boys, perhaps even more so, but just never been attracted to them. As for my attraction to boys, well, that mere 'passing phase' could surely be erased from my conscience given a good amount of alcohol and a copy of FHM. I knew all along that I was kidding myself, and prayed as we drove up to the campus that I wouldn't find myself living in a macho flat of lager drinking football playing lads.
So, an hour later, I found myself, living in a macho flat of lager drinking football playing lads. Seven of them to be precise. And me, who wouldn't know the offside rule if it hit me in the face; me, who was more interested in discussing Alexa Chung's outfit than whether or not I'd 'give her one'.It was a struggle to fit in,
constantly acting like acting a fellow straight man with my new found straight men friends. However, I did well, and at one point I was even leading on the 'random pulls' tally. 14 I believe I go to.I only lasted a few months before I confided for the first ever time in a couple of girl friends I'd made, and immediately I was overwhelmed by their support, and the realisation that this 'disease' I was hiding from the world could actually be accepted. It really wasn't easy, I won't ever pretend that it was, but gradually by the end of the first year, I had 'come out', as they say, to my parents, my girl friends, and my macho football friends.
Parents, well, they're my parents, and despite finding this one of the hardest things for them to get their heads round I am lucky enough to have a mum and a dad who love me enough to not let this come between us.
And as for the macho boys
, well, they're macho boys. And let me tell you this, don't ever again think that even the most macho of macho boys does not have a soft side hidden deep down inside them somewhere, it's probably just underneath their dirty clothes, ingrained behind their beer belly.It was my Stella swigging flatmates who touched me the most when I told them the big G news. Firstly, they immediately understood the enormity of what I was telling them, and therefore realised that my whole time with them saw me acting under the pretence of being attracted to girls. 'So you never actually wanted to pull any of your 14?' asked a particularly sensitive one of them. 'Well I could have had a few of them for you... you only needed to ask!'
It was a lot for them to get their heads around too, and there was an awkward transitional period between them knowing about who I really was and then knowing how to act around me.I haven't outwardly changed though. Contrary to what I said earlier, my Converse are still firmly stuck on my feet and I still enjoy a good pint. I don't suddenly like shopping and haven't bought the Best of Enya. But inwardly I'm more at ease. They haven't changed either – they're still the same people and they still drink their larger and kick a football round the garden. And they still accept me, no longer as one of them who will go out on the pull for the dregs of girls left at 2am, but as one of them who just happens to be gay.
If you're about to become a student then there's one thing you should know: you're free to be yourself, whatever that may be. This might be the first time in your life where this is possible, and I'm not just talking about being gay. I went to a really small middle class school where the gays couldn't be gay, the Goths couldn't be Goths, and the geeks couldn't be geeks. But they all can now, and that's because University is one of the most liberating places to be.
Be who you've always wanted to be, whether that's your biggest desire, or even your biggest fear. Your Uni friends will be your friends because of who you are, not what you are. So go on, be you for a change.
Jay J Nicholas
